What Is IFS Therapy and Can It Help Me?

If you’ve ever felt like a part of you wants to move on while another part can’t let go, you’re not alone. Many people experience these kinds of inner conflicts. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a powerful way to understand and heal these internal struggles.

In this article, we’ll explore what IFS therapy is, how it works, and why it might be the breakthrough you’ve been looking for.

Why You Feel Torn Inside: IFS and Inner Conflict

Have you ever felt at war with yourself? Like one part of you is pushing forward, trying to be strong and keep everything together, while another part wants to crawl under the covers and disappear? IFS names this internal experience. It helps you understand that these parts of you are not your enemies—they are protectors doing the best they can with the pain they’ve carried.

Maybe one part is longing for love and closeness, while another part is terrified of being hurt again. Or perhaps there’s a voice in your head always criticizing you, not because it hates you, but because it’s trying to protect you from failure. These parts developed from lived experiences—some recent, many from childhood—and they hold stories, beliefs, and burdens you might not even know are still shaping you today.

How IFS Therapy Works in a Session

An IFS session feels less like traditional talk therapy and more like sitting with yourself in a deeply compassionate way. It’s quiet. Respectful. It honors all that you’ve been through without requiring you to relive the trauma.

With your therapist’s gentle guidance, you begin to meet these parts inside of you—not to fix them, but to understand them. You might meet your inner critic and discover it was born from moments of shame. Or find the anxious part and realize it’s been scanning the horizon since childhood, always on the lookout for danger. As you listen, something surprising happens: these parts begin to soften. They begin to trust. And healing begins.

What Is Self-Energy and Why It Matters

At the heart of IFS therapy is something called “Self-energy.” This isn’t a mystical concept—it’s a deeply human one. Self-energy is what we access when we are grounded, centered, and present. It’s who we are at our core when we’re not blended with fear, shame, or old stories. Think of moments when you’ve been kind to yourself, patient with others, or clear about what matters—that’s Self-energy shining through.

In IFS, the Self is not a part, but a source. It’s characterized by what are known as the 8 Cs: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness. When we operate from Self, we are not overwhelmed by our parts—we’re able to listen to them. We don’t get rid of parts; we help them trust that the Self can lead. And when the Self is in the lead, healing becomes possible.

For many people, connecting with Self-energy is unfamiliar. Maybe you’ve spent years listening to your inner critic or trying to outrun your anxiety. Self-energy offers a new way—a way of turning inward with gentle curiosity. It may feel strange at first to ask, “What does this anxious part need from me?” But with practice, you’ll notice a shift. The fear softens. The critic quiets. That’s the healing presence of the Self. And it’s within you, even if it’s been buried for a long time.

Modern research is validating what many clients already know: IFS can change lives. A 2021 study in Psychological Trauma showed significant reductions in PTSD, anxiety, and depression in individuals who received IFS therapy (source and source)

Neuroscience supports this too. When you connect with your inner world from a place of Self-energy—calm, curiosity, and compassion—your brain begins to quiet the fear-driven circuits. This allows for greater emotional regulation and resilience.

You’re not just managing symptoms; you’re healing the wounds beneath them.

Who Benefits Most from IFS Therapy?

IFS isn’t just for those with trauma histories—though it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for healing trauma. It’s for anyone who feels stuck in cycles of self-doubt, overwhelm, emotional chaos, or confusion about why they can’t change.

You may benefit from IFS therapy if you:

• Feel trapped in old patterns that no longer serve you

• Experience anxiety, depression, or emotional overwhelm

• Struggle with addiction or compulsive behaviors

• Have a harsh inner critic that won’t quiet down

• Feel disconnected from yourself or others

• Long for deeper self-compassion and clarity

IFS meets you wherever you are—with tenderness and insight.

Real-Life Example: Healing Through Parts Work

One client at New Growth Counseling shared: “I came into therapy thinking something was broken in me. But IFS helped me see that every part of me was trying to help, even if the help didn’t always make sense. My anxiety wasn’t the enemy—it was a scared little girl trying to keep me safe. When I started listening to her instead of fighting her, something shifted.”

At first, she wasn’t sure what it meant to “listen to a part” of herself. The idea felt foreign—like something only a deeply spiritual or introspective person might be able to do. But as her therapist helped her slow down and tune in, she began to notice moments of quiet strength within her—glimpses of what IFS calls Self-energy. It was the first time she felt like she could be with her pain without being swallowed by it. She started to ask questions like, “What does this anxious part want me to know?” and found herself moved by the answers.

Over time, that inner relationship changed her life. The shame that had once drowned her became something she could hold with compassion. Her parts began to trust that they didn’t have to protect her in extreme ways anymore. And perhaps most importantly, she began to believe that healing didn’t mean cutting off parts of herself—but welcoming them home. That shift—from judgment to compassion, from battle to listening—is what makes IFS so transformational.

Tips for Trying IFS on Your Own

If you’re not quite ready for therapy but want to begin this inner journey, here are a few gentle ways to start:

• Pause and notice. When something difficult comes up, ask yourself, “What part of me is feeling this?”

• Welcome the part. Instead of pushing it away, get curious. What does it want for you? What is it afraid of?

• Offer compassion. Imagine turning toward that part with kindness instead of resistance.

These small steps can open the door to profound healing. If at any point these practices feel overwhelming or too intense, it’s okay to pause. Turning inward can bring up vulnerable emotions and memories, especially if you’re not used to approaching yourself with compassion. You don’t have to do this alone. Working with a trained IFS therapist can provide the safety and support needed to explore your inner world at a pace that feels right for you.

You can also download our free worksheet for accessing self-energy by clicking here.

How IFS Fits into the Work at New Growth Counseling

At New Growth Counseling, our therapists are trained in IFS and use it to support clients facing anxiety, trauma, relationship pain, and self-worth struggles. We believe that healing happens when every part of you feels seen, heard, and loved.

Our clients often say, “No one ever explained me to myself like this before.” That’s the power of IFS—it gives language, structure, and compassion to the chaos inside. And from that place, true transformation begins.

Ready to Begin Your IFS Journey?

If you’re curious about Internal Family Systems therapy and want to experience it for yourself, we’re here to help. Our compassionate, highly trained therapists in Carlsbad and throughout San Diego County can walk with you on this journey.

Explore IFS Individual Therapy Services

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you’re struggling, we encourage you to contact us today and get matched with a therapist.